Trust!

Trust is a concept that we associate in an external sense. Do we trust them? Should I trust them? What if I told you that the genesis of trust is never external. Trust always comes from within. In fact, trust is one of the pillars of our life. We wouldn’t be able to do anything in life without it. As for the fact that we have no jurisdiction over our life’s journey. Trust is simply the epicenter of our existence. Have you ever had an endeavor in your life? Trust was the basis in order to pursue it. Humans’ live life without certainty every day, living life with a level of “blind trust”. We trust individuals to treat us with humility and dignity. We trust that the motorist in the other lane doesn’t have a death wish, by deciding to collide with us head on. We trust that if we follow our dreams, they will eventually come true. Trust is a foundational feeling that fuels our lives existence and propels us to greatness.

In my life trust has proven to be a vital part of my maturation process. When I was a youth I was labeled with learning disabilities. Therefore, I was singled out and brought into a recourse room which made me feel inferior to my peers. Due to the fact that no one had faith in my ability to succeed, it disallowed me to trust myself and my abilities as a student. This sent me spiraling as my self confidence was not only tarnished yet not even built. It took a combined effort of both educators, loved ones and most importantly myself in order to pull me out of the depths of my own despair and onto a track for success. Today I not only hold my bachelors degree, yet my graduate degree as well. The formula for my successes comes down to trust. Trusting in others to help facilitate my journey and of course trusting in myself for ultimately doing it. This is a great example of the fact that trust perpetuates from inside out. And vice versa. 

In order to trust others, we as individuals ultimately need to learn to trust ourselves. No one lives an autonomous life. In fact, the laws of being human require us to rely on others in order to achieve personal success. In order to trust others along your hero’s journey to achieve your goals, you need to trust yourself. Trust comes from within! When you trust in yourself you begin to build up a self confidence and efficacy that is necessary to navigate daily life, and overcome obstacles. While you build a foundation of trust within yourself, it tends to perpetuate outward, and establishes a halo effect solidifying yourself as a competent member in society. 

Trust has the same principles as love, as you can’t truly love others until you love yourself. It’s the foundational framework that is necessary to be a valued member in your community and make a lasting impact on your peers. Trust is both a vital and innate trait of humans. Without it, we would not possess the fortitude to do anything which would disallow us to progress as a society. We wouldn’t be able to research medicine to heal people of their ailments, we wouldn’t be able to explore the cosmos, we wouldn’t be able to find a partner to get married. Everything boils down to trust. Humans don’t know the future; we rely on our faith that things will turn out in a positive manner. The only way to go about doing this is by trusting that it will and going for it.

The Metrics Of Love

If only we had a universal definition of love. if only we knew the science behind
attraction and compatibility. If that were the case we wouldn’t have much doubt in terms of intentions. Yes of course, there will always be those people who are out for a quick hookup, phatic connection and casual situations. However, if two parties were indeed serious, they would most likely be on the same or similar wavelength. All while being intertwined with each other’s true intentions in mind. The Thought that seems to stump people in their relationship, has been the disparity in the intention of love. What does it mean to them? What actions concur and relate with connection and compatibility? How does one define love in its entirety? What does overall connection mean to them at a holistic and intrinsic level? What are the do’s and don’ts that may irk you to your soul?

Do the 9 Personality types contribute to connection and compatibility? This book is set out to explore the ever so complex universe that is love and connection. We look at the 9 enneagram personality traits The Reformer, The Helper, The Achiever, The Individualist, The investigator, The Loyalist, The Enthusiast, The Challenger and “The Peacekeeper ”. identifying which ones may align with you, and how it coincides with your very own compatibility in term of your love connections. You may ask yourself? Before we articulate the archetype for compatibility in terms of the 9 Enneagram personality types, What makes up compatibility in general? How can we accurately and precisely calculate how compatibility is constructed and designed? Some may say that it’s all based on projections, while others would allude to science. This only begs the questions. It’s up to you, the reader, to formulate your own
conclusions in order to concoct an answer. There’s only one thing that we know for certain. That’s the fact that compatibility exists and perpetuates a euphoric and rather angelic feeling for the participants, enacting endorphins and hormones in the brain’s cortex that alludes to overall good feelings. These are feelings that humans long for. These innate feelings are foundational for connection and the identifiers for compatibility.

How do you define a sustainable relationship? The reader will also have to define this question for themselves, as for connection has no basis for the length of a romantic relationship, due to the fact that it argues to the notion that it can’t be quantitatively defined, for the simple reality that it’s just a feeling. This begs the question if the 9 personality types are even attributed to compatibility in terms of romance at all. Or, are they just simply characteristics that individuals inherently display. A persona and overall avatar of their daily lives. This manuscript will explore the possibility that the 9 personality types somehow correlate with compatibility, and romantic connection. Ultimately, leading to formulate genuine connectivity between both participants. This is conceptualized by the fact that certain personality attributes may or may not balance each other and cultivate a common effortless bond between both constituents. Therefore, eventually building overall compatibility. This may not be the case on a consistent basis, yet a hypothesis on how compatibility may work in terms of juxtaposed temperament and tendencies. Love is one of life’s most cherished treasures. A wholehearted and gargantuan journey filled with countless amounts of emotions, exhausted energy and stress. People literally spend their entire lives seeking such endeavors. With love being such a complex formula, as humans attempting to harness its powers since the dawn of time, the hope for this manuscript is to shed light, as to who you are as an individual. Conducting self realizations as to who you holistically are on an inherent level, corresponding with how you might identify as a lover. Navigating ourselves in accordance with our love life.

PEOPLE

What is more vital to the prolonged existence to humans, more than humans. People are single handedly the most valuable entity to the existence of humankind. This notion is so apparent in fact, that it is overlooked. Above wealth, status and respect. Nothing is more meaningful than human connection. Humans have tended to have cultivated a society based on success measured off of individual achievements. “How can I go out there and build my brand?’ “How can I make the most amount of money to support myself”. All, without having any recollection of the impact we may have on others. People come and go in our lives and that’s inevitable however, we don’t often stop and realize the raw impact that these people have made on our lives, that has ultimately established ourselves as individuals.

We take people for granted without paying homage to what they have contributed to our lives. Sometimes, without both parties even realizing it at all. Instead of thinking about success in terms of our monetary wealth, we should rather reframe our visions of success by envisioning and enhancing our social capital. How many people can we impact, and allow to impact us?. How many extraordinary people, can I surround myself in my life, in order to enhance the quality of life of others, and myself?” What is more intrinsic to a human being other than pure unadulterated human connection?

Life is like a bar. Some people will walk past and never come in. others will look in the window and wonder what is inside. Some will make the effort to come in. Maybe they will walk out immediately however, a select few will buy something, whether it be food or a drink, or maybe both. Some of those patrons will never enter your bar again yet, you will get those people who become regulars. Individuals who will consistently frequent your bar, eat your food and drink your drinks. Why not set out on a life journey in order to find those regulars. A bar needs regulars in order to stay in business. They are the lifeblood of the establishments. Just as the people in your life that give you life are also the lifeblood of your establishment. We long for people in our bar therefore, we can stay open for business. Relationships with people are the one thing above all else that forges our world. Valuing those relationships, while not taking those individuals who love you for granted will benefit your life and your spiritual and mental journey as a human. We are all products of the people that have made a difference in our lives. When you see a human walking down the street, You are seeing a singular and autonomous body, however, behind that lonesome figure is a slew of individuals who have all had an intricate part in that person’s life to help them get to where they are today. No one can make it alone in this world. Self autonomy is essentially a fabricated illusion. We all rely on each other to succeed in life. Our goals are implemented through collective effort. Our thoughts are formed from other thoughts. Our love is forged through others’ hearts, which gives us a purpose to live.

 I recall when my father died in 2008, he was 47 years of age. Such a young soul, taken from this earth way too soon. When he passed, I uttered the words that he was the richest man that I’ve ever known, and most likely the richest man that I will ever meet. I most definitely wasn’t exclaiming this sentiment judging on looking at his bank account configurations; rather, I adapted this notion due to the abundance of love that he had towards others and myself included. His undying love for his friends, family and myself was unwavered, deep and vivacious. Such a love that literally lifts up the souls of others. He seemingly manufactured love like   My father’s social capital was very high, because of the fact that he was so rich in love for others. He valued the connections he had in his life, and when that life was wavering, those very same connections were the only things in his life that really mattered. Not his wealth or his materialistic objects, rather the souls that he touched and that have touched him. The people that he prioritized and nurtured. Life is complex. Everyday is another surprise waiting around every corner; however, if you look at life through a petri dish and look at the things that really matter, there is really only one thing, one mission and one law that all humans need to follow and that law is centered on human connection and the people that have ultimately assisted in the maturation process of your life. Next time that you look in the mirror, you are not merely just looking at your reflection staring back at you, rather a lineage of individuals who have collectively forged your path to the person you are today. 

What League are you in?

As a young adult in his mid-20s, frequenting the bustling New York nightlife is one of my friends and I’s favorite pastimes. The energy that the city emits is purely unmatched by many places… among the dancing and flowing of alcoholic beverages, cultivates the perfect atmosphere to mingle with desperate singles looking for a good time… With mingling, comes the immense emotions that come when approaching strangers that you don’t particularly know… Yeah, Liquid courage does help, but we all get a little nervous when we begin to approach that one person in which we insist that “came from the heavens”… Nervousness and apprehension is an intrinsic and vital trait in humans. Without it, we might come across as callous and arrogant.

In more prehistoric times, lacking such characteristics may have even cost us our lives. In the case of being in the bar, your life may not be on the line. However, it sure does feel like it at times. That situation when you’re walking up to that one person, and the feeling that if it all goes wrong your life will surely crumble… I can recall one time I was out in the bar, soaking up the nightlife with a couple of friends, and my best friend turned to me and exclaimed “wow that girl is super cute” to which I replied, “you should go talk to her” My friend, as if he automatically knew everything about this girl quickly uttered, “she’s out of my league”… The night of course went on, and we all had fun, however, one question still kept lingering for me about the particular phrase that my friend used… “League” It baffled my mind to think that my friend’s sole reason for not approaching this girl was the fact that he thinks that she’s out of his league.

To be honest, I think the adaptation of leagues in most people’s minds are cultivated out of nervousness and fear. Without admitting that you’re fearful of approaching someone, you tend to unconsciously mask it with “Phoney” preconceptions and pretenses. This is understandable as I stated at the beginning, it’s natural to be nervous to approach people that we don’t know, and especially people who we deem to have a type of halo effect on us. Are there leagues that divide us? Are there a set number of people who just are intrinsically better looking? That other “less attractive” looking people simply can’t date? First, let’s delve into the science of aesthetic attraction.

Some studies have shown that individuals with facial symmetry are deemed to be more attractive. However, with that being said, facial symmetry makes up a very small portion of what defines attraction as a whole.… In actuality, attraction is a multi-faceted concept, with many different factors coming to play… aesthetics, personality, status, scent, values, style, culture, etc. Not to mention the fact that everyone has a different hierarchy in which they place importance on each attribute. For example, from my own personal life, A girl that I used to date expressed to me the fact that she contemplated dating me, due to the seemingly Minot fact that I had an outdated computer. This is a level of attraction in which I cannot comprehend nor have experiences prior… In essence, everyone has their specific type.

How can I prove this you ask? Ask your friend his or her celebrity crush, most likely it will be a different person than your own. Assuming the fact that your celebrity crush is the pinochle of beauty in both you and your friend’s eyes. Next, ask them what they admire about that particular individual; their answers may surprise you. Some will say “well what if both celebrity crushes are deemed to be in the same league? Well, my response to that question will be, how would you identify that? Both individuals are completely different. You may not even find your friend’s celebrity crush attractive at all… Leagues are a very linear view of a concept that is very abstract. Attraction can’t possibly be quantified. Attraction is a relative concept not universal. As you look at people who are perpetuating in the dating world, you will see that there are a large range and variety of couples. On a surface level, you see them for who they are, or at least your interpretation of how they are. You might even ponder “why is she with him? Or what does she have going for her? This is the ultimate example of the irrefutable fact that there is no such thing as “leagues’ ‘. Attraction is unexplained and indescribable. So, next time you see that potential special someone in the bar or nightclub, shoot your shot, you never know what is going to matriculate.

Poverty

Poverty is a major problem in Africa, let alone the entire world. Classified as a “Wicked problem” by Horst Rittel (Rittel), Poverty is not an easy problem to tackle by any means, and the remedy for solving it is often as controversial as could be. In Africa alone, the national average indicates that 55.9 people are below the national poverty line, with the average earnings per day being at 1.90. According to the GDP, the majority of the poorest countries in the world are African nations. These are drastic differences from the realities that we are accustomed to seeing in some parts of America. People are in a perpetual struggle, and a solution is greatly needed. Poverty has been challenged with the same methods time and time again, with ultimately the same unfortunate results, More Poverty. These assumed solutions involve aid and high NGO involvement. For centuries, NGOs and other organizations not only frequent Africa, yet set up seemingly permanent non stop poverty obliterating shops. All set out to “Save the world.” NGO vans are seen throughout the streets, almost like perpetual work grounds. The Unanimous solution, “Aid”. All these NGOs do are bring in free supplies by the boatload, ever so often to appease the needs of the locals. There are NGOs for everything, food, water, shoes, athletic equipment, you name it, they have it. They will bring it, and distribute it for free. On surface level this seems like a rather courteous and noble thing to do. Yet, it actually causes immense harm when prolonged. The noble practice of giving aid to places in need is an aristocratic act in the beginning however, when you continue to distribute free supplies it can develop a culture based on dependency and prove to be an unsustainable act. This debilitates the local economy by putting local businesses out of business. If the resources needed are free then the local demand is no longer needed. Therefore, your seemingly charitable act feeds into the tragedy that brought you there in the first place.

Now that this is known about the way we approach poverty in this day and age, the question is often posed: if we know that this is the outcome, why do we continue to do it?” If our solutions are not working then why do we still feel the need to align with the same flawed system? Some may say that people don’t even realize when they are causing harm. As they say, the road to hell is filled with good intentions. However, it’s hard to not make the assumption that if I know of this and I’m not even directly affected or a stakeholder in the problem, then shouldn’t the people who are working on this problem know of the mistakes that they are making to fix it. It’s almost like a math equation. If you were working on a problem in your math class, and you weren’t getting the right answer, you’re probably going to discard that faulty formula that got you there?

Is there a possibility that stakeholders of the problem are conscious of their wrong doing? Not only do they know, they have malicious intent? This sounds like some sort of conspiracy theory, and I can rest assure you that even if that is the case for some, there are still people out there that still have a heart, and really want to find more formidable solutions. My friend and I recently had a conversation about our ex’s.. We brought to attention the fact that they hurt us. The debate, however, was the notion of cognitive recognition of their wrong doings. He argued that these individuals had malicious intent and that they intended to bring us down in the process. On the other hand, I argued that the very reason they chose the actions that they did was the fact that they were disconnected from themselves, while struggling as well with internal issues. At the end of the day we are all human and make mistakes. Sometimes we don’t have self-realizations that indicate the fact that we are indeed hurting people.

The issue of poverty porn also comes to play. Poverty porn is any type of media or publication that is used to expose poor people, while ultimately exploiting them. NGOs do a great job of doing this. Commercials, ad campaigns, fundraisers. These are all examples of poverty porn. Although they may have good intentions, they end up putting these helpless people on display and almost make them “inhuman”. When we visualize these pictures of impoverished people looking dilapidated in slum torn areas, we often associate them as “Others”. Other people that we don’t know, and to be quite honest don’t want to know. We see them as animals and second-class citizens. We see them as inadequate, and incapable of cognitive prowess. We come to the assumption that they need us on a constant basis and are inept to sustain themselves on any level. This begins to cultivate a negative and inaccurate perception of their country, culture and overall capabilities. We make assumptions about their intelligence and self-worth. We subconsciously, whether we realize it or not, think that we are better than them.

How can we change that? Human-Centered design is a way in order to do so. In Cheryl Heller’s new book, she tries to illuminate how business practices need to be induced with more design thinking. Business methodology is linear in nature, just like solutions in place now to tackle poverty. When dealing with people you can’t always induce quantitative solutions. Humans aren’t just numbers on a piece of paper, Their blood, flesh and water. They’re people with families and feelings and thoughts. They have dreams and aspirations, talents and weaknesses. No two are the same. They are all unique. Human Centered Design caters to that notion. Designing for the people, with the people. Focusing on their needs, and not only their wants. While having them at the table when the discussion is happening. Following a bottom-up approach rather than a top-down, in which a lot of business approaches follow. If we do this, then the culture and the people will be able to thrive from the inside out. Instead of distributing aid, we need to administrate education and training programs that can allow them to build themselves up and design a more sustainable community.

Credibility

Credibility is the validity expressed by a communicator that is interpreted by the receiver. In other words, credibility measures the amount of truth that the communicator has in any given circumstance. Credibility can be measured in many different ways. According to Persuasion: Social Influence, there are four main attributes that an organization or individual needs to have to sustain credibility. The first, “credibility is a receiver based construct.” This theory states that credibility exists in the eyes of the beholders. What this notion means is that there is a need for perceivers in order to judge whether or not the source is even credible. This theory closely follows the “Ying and Yang” theory, in that the perceiver and the communicator go hand in hand. One does not exist without the other.

The second attribute states that credibility is a multidimensional construct; this theory emphasizes that there are multiple ways for a communicator to build their credibility. It’s not just one thing they have said or done that determines if they’re credible or not. They are like a chocolate cake with different layers. All of the layers together make up a delicious cake, if you take away a layer; it is no longer a chocolate cake anymore, rather a piece of it. For example, Tide detergent is a credible laundry detergent because of many different reasons. They smell nice, they do a lot of charity work, they have a lot of financial backing, and they have been around for a long time. Their credibility has multiple levels just like a chocolate cake.

Thirdly, credibility is a situational and contextual phenomenon. This theory states that people have different perceptions and opinions of what makes a person credible. This notion is very simple to interpret. Everyone sees the world through different eyes, and in a different light. Everyone has different beliefs and values. This fact also influences people’s beliefs on what makes a communicator credible. For example, someone might think a rapper is credible because of what he says in his rap lyrics, or how he dresses; someone else might look at him and see the individual as unreliable, or not credible. This reasoning may come from many different factors; if, for example, a person is more of a country fan rather than a rap fan.

Finally, Credibility is dynamic. This theory states that a person’s perception of people’s credibility can change at any given time. Someone may seem more credible to someone then they were before. This could depend on many different factors. Maybe the communicator said something that matched up with the perceiver’s beliefs, or maybe a perceiver changed their beliefs. Credibility can change in the blink of an eye. This is because people change very rapidly. For example, a football team may not seem credible to someone. Maybe they don’t like a certain player on that specific team, or they were taught to not find them worthy of credibility however, one day the team can acquire their favorite player and suddenly they become their favorite team.

The Halo effect is the measurement of credibility. The effect states that a person’s credibility is judged by someone’s overall impression. This theory is often thought of as a cognitive bias. This theory’s basic concept is that “What’s beautiful equals good”. We as a society tend to link attractiveness with smartness and credibility. When we see a beautiful actor, we automatically assume that they are a good person, who has excellent morals. This belief system is obviously not true because looks do not tell us about a person’s morals or credibility. Although this theory roots in untruths, everybody unknowingly practices it. Studies have shown that salespeople who are deemed as more attractive have higher sales than people who are deemed unattractive. This notion also is attributed to the theory that credibility is a receiver based construct, by the fact that perceivers have to be present in order to judge credible communicators, although their judgments are unjust, they still perceive.

Expertise is also a factor in judging credibility. Many times a consumer’s judgment on what makes a person an expert is skewed. A communicator may manipulate their identity to create the illusion that they are more credible, or the perceiver might perceive certain attributes of the communicator to be more credible. For example, Donald Trump is the king of manipulating his credibility. He has a persuasive nature about him that no other candidate has. He knows how to be perceived as more credible than other candidates, even when he may or may not be in reality. That being said, perceivers also deem him more credible because of his notable name, and elaborate business endeavors. They see the Trump name and associate that with the brand, along with his wealth and automatically associate him with a credible respectable entity. In reality, those notions don’t really factor into whether or not he is a reputable candidate for the presidency. Donald Trump is also a great example of how the “ Halo effect” works. Some people find him credible because of attributes that are unrelated to the field of the presidency, such as money, fame and social backing rather than policy and experience. That is not to say that Donald Trump does not have the policies to be president; however, the reason why he is leading the polls is because he is a great manipulator of credibility rather than a great reputable source. This has been conceived by the reasoning for his credibility accustomed by voters.

Other secondary dimensions of credibility such as dynamism or extroversion, state that credibility is characteristic of a person who is enthusiastic and animated. We see the truth in this theory because, naturally, we tend to attract people who are more upbeat and earnest rather than the people who are dull and lethargic. A great example of this would be sports. Fans are more attracted to players who make emphatic dunks and dribbling moves rather than players who just trot up and down the court while playing the game in a fundamentally boring way. This attribute also goes along with composure. People are attracted to composure because it conveys an aura of confidence. People find people with confidence and couth to have greater credibility because they have the illusion of knowledge and experience. People are not going to find a timid and hesitant communicator to be credible because they portray the illusion that they are uncertain and ultimately do not know what they are talking about. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the communicator knows what they are talking about yet; they need to portray an illusion that they do. This also is represented in the notion of expertise. A communicator needs to fit the illusions that they are credible, even if they are not. A perceiver looks for certain attractions and attributes that are represented in the “halo” effect that deem the receiver more credible. Among many other factors, they look for attributes often associated with sociability, which is characterized by a communicator’s friendliness, which is also represented in the “Halo” effect. A perceiver is not going to be attracted to someone who is not friendly or likable.

Once a perceiver adopts all of these theories, other perceivers will pick up on it, and automatically believe that the communicator is credible. The best example for this yet also very controversial is religion. People automatically find a religious group credible because it is found credible by the masses. If many people find a source credible, then chances are that more people are going to find it credible as well. They are conforming to a preconceived notion, not because they have evaluated the subject, yet have conformed to others beliefs, without even realizing it. Religion is the Prime example in my opinion on how easy it is to persuade human beings. Also, it is indicative of the fact that humans rarely have original thoughts anymore. To bring it into the simplest of contexts, the conformity and relationship between the communicator and the perceiver are that of when the theories mentioned above are put into action, it starts a cognitive firestorm that cannot be stopped. People are beginning to find credibility in sources without looking at specific facts yet for seemingly unrelated reasons. People are naturally very easy to manipulate and convince, from buying products, to political candidates. If the communicator knows how to manipulate the perceiver then, they automatically have made themselves look credible.

The Last Handshake

As I sit in the cold damp hospital chair, I see his eyes. Even lifeless bodies have emotions I guess. The room’s tension could be cut with a butter knife. The feeling that even spoken words could be hazardous to one’s health is synonymously felt in the air. The look of anguish on his face as my grandmother hovers over him. Fear is drenched in her every movement. A wet paintbrush in her hand once used to make timeless art pieces that sustained a man’s life, now used to hydrate the same man in his last breaths on earth. Her helpless voice pierces my soul with every desperate plea for him to drink. Knowing that even the water is being wasted at this moment is saddening enough. Even a human mother’s love of nurturing is no match for mother nature’s harsh reality. As a 14 year old boy I see no point in this foolishness, and succumb to the fact that this was going to be the last time that I would ever see the person who dedicated his entire life to me again. Or at least what’s left of him. Almost like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon, except the complete opposite. To my knowledge, I haven’t seen my father in almost a year. I’ve been looking for him ever since the diagnosis. I’ve been living with this new guy during that time frame. He’s kind of abnormal. All he does is eat, sleep and move at the pace of a turtle. I’m not sure who let him in, but I could assure you that I don’t know him.

The lights in the room are ominous, perfect comparison to the situation at hand. Oh, and that hand. My frightened and desperate grandmother is still trying to antagonize him, as if he was a twelve-year-old boy. She tightly squeezes his hand repeatedly asking him to clench. Sometimes I think that she still envisions him as that little boy with the basketball sneakers and art markers, ready to sketch her a new drawing of the most recent NBA all-star. With every command to clench comes, even more, a feeling of dismay and heartbreak. The look on his face goes in and out of consciousness. Something tells me that he wouldn’t want to be coherent at this moment anyway. The distress of her constant requests finally overtakes her and she turns to me, and muddles the words “Maxx why don’t you try?”. At the time the disgruntled being that makes up the person they call Maxx wants no part of anything at the moment. I’ve mentally left the room the moment I stepped in it. In fact, a part of me mentally left when that strange guy came to live with us a year ago.

To appease her need, I reluctantly get up and walk over to the shell of the person who gave me life. Ironically now, the person in the room has none. I reach out to grab his cold lifeless hand as it is draped over the bed. Immediately the thought about the days when this hand was, in fact, full of life quickly flooded my mind. In fact, the very day when he taught me how to facilitate a proper handshake interrupted my line of thought. I quickly realized that I haven’t touched this hand in over a year. The hand that taught me that spot-on jump shot, caught me when I fell and reprimanded me when I was misbehaving, was all at once in my grasp once again. In a sense the hand that made me who I am today. As the flood of feelings dissipated something miraculous happened. That once cold and lifeless hand turned warm and exuberant. It quickly clenched just like everything was all right. As if he wasn’t on his deathbed, and we were outside gallivanting around just like those people I could see outside of the window, enjoying life like it should be. I quickly came to the realization that most likely that was the last energy he had left. Imagine having enough energy for just one person. Who would you give it to? When someone picks you, it’s a very humbling experience. As I let go of the hand, I walk to the window and look at all of the people who are filled with an abundance of that same energy, and whom I felt the last of. A single tear drips down my face. My grandmother says, “Did he squeeze your hand”? I quickly replied “No” thinking that this was an experience only meant for him and I. This was the moment when I stepped on the track to where I am now and hopefully where I am going. This was the moment that I realized that there was only going to be three seats at the dinner table. This was the moment that would start the journey for the rest of my life.

Know your rights!

Is having too many rights a bad thing? You may not think so, but in some cases having been given the power to exercise your rights on certain topics, may be unconducive to your health and well-being, or affect someone else’s in the process. Lack of morality and the privilege of rights sounds like an oxymoron, but I can give you some solid examples for when it is justified. For example, when a person is sick with an STD, you would think that person has the right to stay silent about it, and go about their daily life in a normal fashion. In conducive to conventional wisdom, this would be the case. The only problem in this situation is that having an STD doesn’t only affect you. It has a serious chance of affecting others, if you don’t take the proper precautions. Therefore, you need to notify people about your condition. You can’t take part in certain actions and you may be susceptible to some transparency and accountability issues. Although this does dehumanize you, you are respecting others in the public health realm. This is where collective responsibility comes in, and trumps your individual rights. Another example of this would be found in an article I have read about a white supremacist group, who wanted to adopt a highway and name is “Adolf Hitler Way”. Now, some may not even be offended by that, and if you are you may need to rethink your morals. The individual rights of a human would allow them to name the highway with any name they please, however, in this case since the name was surrounded by so much mediocrity and “Hate”, The name was inappropriate. Freedom of speech and hate speech is a blurred line in which people struggle all the time. You could never really tell where the threshold is, where your individual rights end and mine begin. However, in my opinion when hate speech is called into question, that is crossing a barrier that dares not be crossed.

This year in football, Colin Kaepernick of the San Francisco 49ers decided to take a stand on police brutality against the African American community, by kneeling during the national anthem. Many supporters acknowledged him, yet some critics also met him with ridicule. While many said that he was kneeling for a viable cause, others questioned his ethics, morals, and actions. One paradigm in which I’ve heard from this situation is the fact he was disgracing the very entity that gives him the freedoms to question his own freedoms.( In this case The United States Of America) Well, in my opinion, that’s not a contradiction of principles, that’s evidence in which he has every right to be doing what he is doing. America is such a great country, due to the fact that you can question its moral upheaval. This is a perfect example of Individual rights vs. Collective responsibilities because I believe the line is so blurred.

Police Brutality

Police brutality in the black community has been a wicked problem in the United States, which has been illustrated and well documented in recent years. Laurie Ristino touched upon this topic, and her opinions on the matter in our Global lectures class. “We have an us vs. them mentality”.(Ristino) These are the words that speaker Laurie Ristino uttered that made me connect with her on such a deep level. The public discourse in this country has been lacking, and it has been greatly illuminated in this recent election. She emphasized this by mentioning examples that relate her statements to the recent accounts of white on black crimes, which have riddled the nation. Specifically pointing out the white police brutality on the black community. The power of social media has sprung these brutal stories to new heights, and shed light while giving voices to a lot of otherwise silenced minorities.

Laurie looks at the issue of police brutality through the lens of communication and dialogue. She argues that if there were more dialogue presented between both sides (police and the black community) then there would be greater understanding, and stronger empathy. One of the lines that resonated with me was “ How we talk about our differences really matter.”(Ristino). She hinted at the fact that positive communication is key and essential to maintain a sustainable society. She concurs that “Civility shapes society” (Ristino) and that “the recent election lacked a presence of civility, and discourse that is needed in a polite society”. (Ristino) “Dialogue in this campaign made it o.k. to act that way. In my opinion that is a human problem. (Ristino). It’s as if we have taken a step backward on the evolutionary scale. When there is no prevalence of a polite society as simplistic as it sounds, it could disrupt the framework of the entire social system. Your first-grade teacher was on to something when she taught you how to say please and thank you. “When we lose that discourse we really lose something that keeps us from sinking”. (Ristino)

This year America has reached an apex in terms of crimes between police and the black community. In 2016 alone, it has been recorded that cops have killed 263 black individuals. This is a disturbing statistic and definitely something that shouldn’t go unnoticed. Laurie explains that a possible leverage point or intervention may be presented in the form of dialogue. She reiterates the fact that our public discourse has greatly lacked in recent years. She hints at the prominence of healthy intuitive conversation, stating that how we refer to each other really matters, the way we talk to each other really matters.” She adds the fact that “The interaction between the police and black men, in particular, is horrible”. (Ristino)

The University of North Carolina released a blog publishing the violence between the residents and police department in their area and other hot points around the country. Like Laurie, they also advocated for healthy dialogue and civic engagement. They expressed the importance of community outreach programs that would get both sides engaged with the hope of forming greater empathy and understanding. They facilitated sit-downs between community members, and police officers. They asked questions about their community experience, and how police officers affect that. They addressed the history of distrust, and disconnect between community members and police. They talked about how “race” is not a social construct, yet a biological one, therefore; it’s ingrained in their identities not because they choose to be rather because they were born that way. These are the exact situations in which Laurie emphasizes in her speech, by saying “To me, this is the dialogue that has to happen between police officers and the black community members. We need to bridge the divide.”(Ristino)

Laurie mentions today that the use of social media has helped shed light on many of these incidences. She asked a question, “Has this always been the case, or have we just couldn’t see it because people didn’t have their phones?”(Ristino) She brings up a great point regarding collective networking capabilities that could only be exposed in a time like this. With the presence of technology, these issues are illuminated. I think that grassroots movements, yet sometimes invisible, are very prevalent because of means of technology. Both sides of the spectrum, in my opinion, have started up a movement. We tend to think that only the side that we support is organized and productive in their approach. Yet, we never take into account that the other side also has a viable and legit argument as well. In the case of Police brutality, we forget that police officers have a tough job that requires a highly stimulated mind, with quick judgments to perform adequately. That’s why we need more healthy dialogue to come to a firm collective agreement, that helps not only one side yet both sides.

I’ve watched a YouTube video of a man named Ken E. Nwadike Jr. He has a campaign called “The Free hugs project” in which he goes to protests, in this case, he was in Charlotte and offered free hugs and inclusion towards both sides. They hugged police officers, along with hugging protesters. He was under the narrative that we are both humans with similar issues, just coming at it from very opposite and conflicting sides. Laurie mentioned in her speech that “We have some darkness in us, it’s partly what makes us interesting”. (Ristino) As rhetorical as this sounds, it is very true and unfortunately accurate. In the case of peaceful protest, her words reign supreme. I think “The free hugs project tries to bridge that gap while allowing public discourse to thrive. When we destroy our public discourse we become less than, and I think our ugliness and harder parts show through as a species, and therefore it makes it harder to make that progress that we all need.”(Ristino) “The free hugs project” activates under the methodology of Martin Luther King under the quote, “ Continuing the nonviolent movement of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. The mission of the free hugs project is to spread love, inspire change and raise awareness for social issues”. (Freehugsproject) I believe that Laurie’s words also resonate with their work. As I learned from the speech from Erin Mazursky, Nonviolent protest is two times more productive than violent ones.

The Black Lives Matter movement vs. the All Lives Matter movement is also in need of some fruitful discourse, and positive engagement as well. In my opinion, both sides are very ambiguous in their approach. On one side there resides a group of individuals in the black community, that have been greatly oppressed and lack privileges. Their members are experiencing unrest, and are fed up with the status quo of how they are continually and blatantly disrespected. They have a valid, and highly justified point that needs to be addressed very quickly. On the other side, there are people without empathy, who believe the status quo is acceptable. Some feel that they are the ones who are in fact marginalized as Laurie stated “The White middle class feels suppressed”(Ristino) She mentioned that it was evident through this election, and the response to the Black Lives Matter movement. I think strongly that Laurie words also can be incorporated into these two movements, in the fact that public discourse and healthy dialogue is needed to mend the connection and grow empathy. “It’s a lack of empathy that prevents us from being more inclusive”. (Ristino) When you look at the words “Black lives to matter” on a piece of paper, you automatically think that they infer that only black lives matter. On the other hand, when you look at “all lives matter” you see a group that is misinformed, and unsympathetic too issues that have shaped America’s framework. The very issues that cause massive protests due to lack of public discourse, and civic engagement. There is a design problem here that needs to be addressed. There has to be a method or intervention that could bridge the gap between these two sides. Laurie closed her speech with the impact words “We will always have racism and social inequalities because we are human”. (Ristino) I believe this notion to be true, however, I also believe the fact that just because it can’t be completely fixed doesn’t mean we should be bystanders. “We need civil discourse, it matters, we still have these divides in America, we still have a long way to go”. (Ristino)

 

My essence

As I sit in my room with the lights off I feel nothing. Just the bed underneath me and the darkness in front of me. I could be a human, I could be an apparition, I could be nothing. I could be anywhere in the world. It’s just me and myself. That’s how people live their lives. Totally infatuated and entrenched in themselves, with no means to do anything with realizing their impact on reality. We all live in our own little worlds, yet we don’t just affect our own world. As a collective human society, we need to start taking accountability for what we have, not only individually, yet collectively. That is what I’ve learned in this program and this class. We might live individual lives but we share a connected sphere of influence.

What can I do? Realize my place in this world, and realize that I can very much be an asset to society, rather than a disruptive force. Find my niche and where my skills fit most perfectly. As I go through my life I am always asking, what more I could be doing to shed a positive light on my community. I feel like my capabilities have not been reached as of yet, and that’s O.K. This class has made me realize that the process is more important than anything. The end result is only the destination, but the journey is where you learn and become yourself.

These last four months have been an unforgettable journey for me to ultimately thrust me closer to my realization process. To be honest, I have more questions than answers, because this class has ingrained values and thoughts that have brought my brain into a world wind of different emotions. Concepts and terms that have amazed me such as theory U, that has instilled a literal process of processing in which I never realized before.

So, As I sit in my room and stare into oblivion, I think about my life. How it has changed throughout the course of my twenty-two years, the people who have come and gone and the new people that will eventually come in. The things that I could be doing, the things that I have done. My self-worth vs. the very meaning of life itself. I don’t know the answers too much, and I don’t think I ever will. I know this manifesto was supposed to be about things I could be doing in my future to better myself and humanity but in reality, I still don’t know. I’m quite satisfied with that realization actually because this class has made it all right to be unsure of yourself and the future. I guess the only thing I could really do is live in the moment and see what happens.